When 2020 started, I thought I had it all planned out. I was getting ready to start my final semester at college, during which I would get the last help I need to get me prepared for life after college. I would continue working at my local movie theater after graduation while still looking for any freelancing writing jobs so I can get more experience. Until the unthinkable happened.

In March, my university canceled classes the week before Spring Break then announced we would be moving to online for who knows how long. Even though I was excited to go home, it felt weird completing the remainder of my final semester of college… at home. The two weeks off were all about cleaning and getting acclimated to being at home and also doing school. When classes started back up, it was difficult at first. Trying to maintain a schedule and focus on my schooling since only one class of mine actually still met at the time class was supposed to meet at while the others only required you to turn in the assignments on time.

When I got the email that classes would remain online for the remainder of the semester, and that graduation was canceled, I was, appropriately, upset. I liked that the school was taking the necessary precautions just like the entire world, but at the same time, I became part of the class of graduates, both high school and college, that would be part of history and at the time, I didn’t know what to think.

For the final two months of the semester, March-May, I told myself I would rather miss my college graduation rather than my high school graduation. With high school, you know practically everyone, you participate in the senior breakfast, graduation rehearsal, prom, final yearbooks. The entire month of June in 2015 when I graduated high school I spent every single weekend going to graduation parties. I would spend entire days going from graduation party to graduation party, saying hi and bye to these people I didn’t know if I would ever see again. It was the last chance to be with these people that I had known for years, some since elementary school, or even preschool. However with college, you’re lucky if you even know a few people. It’s hours of going through your own program and then the actual university’s graduation.

With my university, and I’m sure with many others in the country, we got the option to do a virtual commencement and also walk the stage in the winter commencement (I opted out of the walk). We were able to order tassels and caps and gowns, send in our picture, and watch an hour of speeches then listen to our name be called through a recorded video. I still got to celebrate with my family, get a (melted) Dairy Queen Blizzard Ice Cream cake, and it’s then I realized I was part of history. I was attending my college commencement but online, relatives that wouldn’t have been able to go to my graduation were able to see it. It was an emotional time, to say the least. The previous weekend I had celebrated my birthday, as well as Mother’s Day since it fell on the same day, in quarantine. It was different, my mom and I both didn’t know what to do or how to celebrate our respective days, but we still made the most of it. But again, I felt if I was turning a special age like 21 instead of 23, I would have been more upset, or disappointed.

After graduation, I was still out of work. I didn’t know when my local movie theater would be reopening and it was time to start looking for freelancing jobs. When I first started looking it was more weekly, or bi-weekly. Now, 7 months later, I’ve been looking everyday, and looking for work in my city. My local movie theater had reopened for a few months and even though the staff was widely cut down as well as hours, it was nice to see some of my coworkers again, work again. Then it closed again just before Thanksgiving and now getting ready to reopen again. I’ve had multiple close offers and hopes, but it’s always rejection. I’ve had interviews at Target and Mounds, applied to TJ Maxx and Pick ‘n Save, but it’s always rejection or never hear from them. I’ve had help from my university’s career center but even then I’ve been doing everything possible.

Every once in a while, especially lately, I’ve been wondering if I’m cut out for this. Ever since I was younger, I loved writing. Growing up I thought I would be an author. Then I got to middle and high school and I fell out of writing, but I slowly started getting back into it after taking two creative writing classes in high school. I went to college for journalism, with my degree in Multimedia Journalism, I want to be an entertainment journalist. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard. Sometimes I wonder if my dreams are just that. Dreams. For years now I’ve imagined myself working at a magazine like Entertainment Weekly or TV Guide, maybe Billboard or MTV. Usually when I have those thoughts, it goes away in a day or two and I’m back to where I started.

It makes me wonder if not for the pandemic, would things turn out differently? I would have been able to work my ass off in the summer at my local movie theater, get more money, not have to worry about not having enough money for car payments despite my parents offering to pay for it. And even though I am beyond grateful for everything they do, I hate asking them for money and I always feel bad. If not for the pandemic, would companies be more lenient towards candidates, have more open positions?

I’ve had my birthday in quarantine, I’ve had my college commencement in quarantine, completed my final semester of college in quarantine, and now I’m actively looking for a job in quarantine that will finally jump start my dream career. I’m currently voluntarily writing for a fandom news website that I absolutely love. I get to do what I love while writing about what I love, the staff is like my family, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But it would be nice to have a job where I’m paid to write. Most of the staff is writing as a sort of side job. But this is my life. I love writing and I want to do it for the rest of my life. But I wonder if I should have done things differently, gotten a different degree, or just give up on my dream?

2020 was a tough year and I wish more than anything that things finally get better in 2021, for everything and for everyone.